AMBER ROMANCE

Dear Chioma
Thank you for this blog. I started reading your blog two days ago and I am still in chapter five but this story is the best to come out of this country.

My story is a sad one and for a long time I have been dealing with hate.
It all started when I met a guy on face book. He is quite popular and into sports.
I was surprised to see his friend request and even doubted he is the one.
We became friends, just friends and nothing more. We could talk about anything. We could talk for long hours. He has a white girl friend and I haven't had a relationship for five years. He would encourage me to find someone.
Then he came back one Christmas with his girlfriend and I went to see them where they were lodged. I was surprised at the ring on her finger. He didn't tell me he had asked her to marry him. The girl was leaving that night. But she displayed very serious jealous characters when she saw me. I understood why she would feel that way, I am very beautiful but I assured her that I am not a threat. We saw her off to the airport. We went to a bar afterwards and it became too late for me to go home cos I live far. I spent the night in his hotel room but nothing happened. Such was our friendship, almost like siblings.
Some months after he went back. He called me that he was coming home for a few days and needed to see me. He said it was important. When he came he told me he broke up with his girlfriend. He began asking me out. He told me that he thought of me always, you know the usual love stories. The truth is that even though we were just friends, there's this part of me that wished for more. So we started going out. He stayed a few days and went back to his base.
He was the best boyfriend anyone could wish for. He showered with attention, love and gifts. Even put me on monthly allowance. Few months into it he began talking about marriage.
Then one day somebody sent me a chat message with his Facebook. We are so comfortable with each other that we chat in Igbo most times. The person said, stop speaking this silly language to my man etc. I was thoroughly warned off him. He denied it and said somebody hacked into his Facebook. Sometimes I will hear a female voice in background when we talk, he would say it is the television. At a point I stopped complaining held on to hope that we were getting married that Christmas. Then I will teach the girl whomever she is to leave my man alone.
I didn't hear from him till the 27th. Strange. My parents were expecting him on the 21st for knocking on the door, which is the first step to traditional marriage. He didn't show up and worst he wasn't  picking his phones, replying text or Facebook. I could not get hold of him. Then on the 27th he called and said he was already in the country but went to the east but he was coming to see me.
he stayed for two days, I noticed something was wrong but since he still came to see my parents to ask for my hand I didn't bother too much. He went back to the east, that was the last time I heard from him or saw him.
I called and called and did all I could but he never answered. On the 1st of January I called his friend cos I didn't know what else to do. He told that John had to rush back to Europe cos his pregnant wife was having some serious issues.
What! I couldn't believe it. I was told  he got married to his fiancée about two months ago in a quiet court wedding. Just them and two witnesses. I couldn't believe it, what happened, where did I go wrong? What did I do to get treated like this. I have waited for five years to find true love only for a man I call a friend To use me this way. To callously hurt me beyond words and feelings.
I can't get over the feeling being so used, I hate him so much but I hate myself more and it is killing me. I don't think anybody would call me beautiful anymore. That is the extent of the hate I feel for him and me.
Maybe if he would answered my call to explain. To tell me what happened, where I went wrong just maybe I would feel better but the silence and the not knowing is killing me. I don't want him back. I hate him so much but how do I stop feeling so used and useless and unwise. How do I stop hating myself?

Plz I need your advice.