AMBER ROMANCE

WHEN THE HEART KNOWS

CHAPTER TWELVE

She should have known that Eva was lying, why, her lies were blatantly glaring. But she had been too blind to see it because she was so concerned with being in Uche’s house and being envied by all the other girls.

“Why don’t you come in?” Uche offered, his heart was beating erratically, he couldn’t believe she was at his door post, looking as beautiful as ever.  He watched her hesitate, still looking at Eva retreating vehicle like she wished to grow wings.

Nma looked at him and saw he was dressed in slim trouser and shirts. He looked like a young executive who was going to have drinks with his colleagues.

“I won’t keep you; I see you are on your way out”

“Not exactly, come on in. I don’t know what games my sister is playing but come in, I will get my jacket and take you home”

She heaved a sigh and followed him inside in. what was the big deal in being his house. After all she had been in his house before and all hell didn’t let loose. Her inner turmoil ceased for just a moment as her heart stopped beating with the share splendor and beauty of the living room. It looked like something that could be imagined in a fictitious work. She watched him pour himself a drink and swallowed it in one gulp. Then she really looked at him, he looked like he had lost some weight. And her heart went out to him, she wanted to reach out and touch him and soothe away his pains but she didn’t dare. She didn’t want him to mistake compassion for passion. But in a round about manner she was pleased to know that she wasn’t the only one suffering. He must have suffered too; she could see it in his gaunt face.

“How have you been” Uche heard himself ask. She was looking as good as always. There was no indication that she has suffered. Why?  He asked himself couldn’t he just forget her? What was it about her? And the worst part of the whole thing was that it was from no effort on her part.

“I am fine” she answered and took a seat.

“I am sorry for being here but Eva told me you were out of town and she was just hosting a few friends here. I thought I was coming for an all girls’ party” she tried smiling and he smiled back

“That sounds like my meddling sister” he replied and took a step towards her.

She panicked and looked for something to fill the silence.  “But I should have seen through her lies, why would she host her friends in your house?”

He turned to look at her intensely “So why didn’t you see through it?”

She stared back at him. There was no way she was going to tell him truth. She was not going to shred her last dignity and pride and tell him that she was here because she wanted to feel close to him.

“Why didn’t you see through her lies?” Uche repeated again

“You may not know it but I think your sister missed her talent, she is a very good actress” she answered flippantly. Hoping he would believe her.

“I don’t believe you” Uche told her

Okay now what, she asked herself, because there was no way he was going to know the truth not from her anyway and not while he was a few paces from her. So she said what she thought was the best to remedy the situation. “Do you have another explanation for it, surely you must know that seeing you is the last thing I would want after what happened the last time”

“Then why are you clenching and unclenching your fingers”

She swallowed her next flow of words and looked at her tightly clench fingers. She hadn’t realized that she was doing that, she was only vaguely aware that she was fisting her fingers because they were only itching to do one thing, slide round his neck in a passionate kiss.

“Though you appear cool and unaffected Nma but I know that you followed my sister here because you thought it would bring you close to me even in my absence”

“You don’t know what you are talking about!”  She shouted at him, shaking with fear that he might actually know the truth. But that was absurd; there was no way he could have guessed the truth. She knew that because she knew he was not a mind reader.

“Don’t I?” he asked and walked over to stand close to her. She swallowed hard; the scent of his cologne filled her nostrils. The share potent male his proximity exuded quickened her breath and she found it difficult to draw her breath. She sat back wanting to put some distance between them.

“You must be insane to think that I would want anything to do with you again after the way you treated me” she told him

“If I am insane then so are you because if what you say is true, you wouldn’t want anything to do with me, least of all coming to my house to party” he smiled at her.

She stood up and brushed past him. Even the slightest of all touches between them quickened her breath and dried up throat, making her feel a raw hunger like nothing she has ever felt before. She was very afraid that if he touched her now, she wouldn’t have the strength to say no. so she stiffened, determined to rebuff him even if she was going to be cruel.

“Taunt me all you want, do you hear me but I have not been holing up in my room mourning you Uche, I have moved on with my life. Why I came here tonight might sound crazy but Eva is my friend that is the only reason I am here”

He walked up to her and held her “but I haven’t moved on with my life, I have not holed up in my room mourning you but I have been suffering from something close to heart break. I am not ashamed to admit that I dressed up to come to your house because I couldn’t take the pain of missing you any longer”

Nma stared at him shocked wanting to believe it but still too afraid to. Could he be saying what she heard or was her mind playing tricks on her. What about sleeping with her? Would he wait or was he now prepared to have a serious platonic relationship with her? What was going on? She needed some answers before her head exploded.

“So what do you say, do we kiss and make up?” Uche watched as series of emotion pass through her face. She looked at him intensely for a while as if trying to be sure that he was not stringing her along. Uche couldn’t wait for her to answer her own questions any longer. He would answer it for her. And there was only one way to do it, he drew her into his arms and placed a kissed her mouth tentatively but he didn’t put into account how much he had missed kissing her. So his intention of giving a tender kiss was lost as he feasted on her lips. He couldn’t believe what he nearly lost. He couldn’t believe that he would never have kissed her again, held her again. He drew her closer and deepened the kiss, pouring all his warring emotions into that kiss.

And she responded as feverishly as he was kissing her. Nma couldn’t think beyond the fact Uche was kissing her, though there was some niggling voice at the back of her mind but she was not listening. How could she listen when all she could feel was Uche, the love her life, the man she had nearly lost. The only man she would ever love. Uche ended the kiss for want of air but held her close

“I missed you” he said softly. “Tell me, did you miss me too”

There was no way she could have denied it then. She wasn’t herself. She was lost in him, in the warmth of his hand as they surrounded her.

“Did you miss me darling, did you feel that you would die of the pain in your heart?”

“I did” she answered, she didn’t see any point in lying she loved the man and she had already told him her stand. If he was confessing his feeling for her now, then he must have accepted her the way she was. Her heart gave an excited lurch at that. It was true; she was nothing without him, even her passion for creating styles and designs held no appeal to her without him in her life.

He drew her down to sit beside her.

“It is not going to be easy” he said to her

She smiled tentatively at him ‘I know, I don’t expect it to be”

“I am a man used to a certain kind of life honey; it will take time to adjust”

“I can imagine but I want you to know, I am not gunning for the title Mrs. Okoha. That was not my intention”

“You are saying if I ask you to marry me you’d turn me down?”

She heaved a sigh, he had her there, of course she would jump at it but that would be only if he loved her like she did him

“Only if you love me the way I do you, I will marry you but I am not scheming to get the coveted title” Nma was shaking she had just told him she loved him, it was too soon, she scolded herself. He would think she said it to trap him or something. What was wrong with her? It sounded like what a schemer would say.

And he was quiet.

She had just revealed her heart to him and he was quiet, very quiet. What was she thinking; her only excuse was that he acted like a man in love. She didn’t have any experience with these emotions but if his action was not love, what else could make a man like Uche Okoha miss her. She looked at him quietly. She wanted to ask him if he heard her but then she reasoned that if he hadn’t heard her, she could pretend she never said it. He stood up abruptly and walked away, going to stand by the French window. She could only look at his back with dismay.

Uche had never been this confused before in his life, she loved him, did she know what she was talking about. Love was not something one could just say, was she for real, and was that her way of telling him all she wanted from him was marriage. What if she loved him, the question was, did he love her? That was a question he couldn’t answer, he liked her well enough. He missed her terribly, he couldn’t think of life without her. Was that love? Did love make one his lover’s prisoner, he thought it was lust that did that. Didn’t love offer freedom?

“Are you alright?”

He heard her ask but he was unwilling to look at her and let her see his confused state of mind.

She stood up and put her hands around him and he held her.

“I didn’t mean to frighten you, I know a lot of women have said those words to you and I know you might have become probably weary of that word, but there is a difference. The difference is that those other women might not have meant it but I do with all my heart. The second thing is that I don’t expect you to return it; I am not going to use it to hold you captive and make you feel obligated to me. For now knowing that you care for me is enough”

He turned and held her tightly. Just hugging her made him feel secure and safe but he had to sought out his feelings before he could commit himself totally to her, because once he said those words, there would be no going back for him.

“It is not as if I don’t love you but I need to sought out my feelings, right now they are too tangled up to make any sense to me”

She smiled at him and sat down.

“Take your time” Nma was glad again, he wasn’t looking like he was about to bolt out from the door.

“So why we don’t go out and celebrate” he asked her.

She nodded and stood up

“Did I tell you how breathtaking you looked?”

“Your mind was pre occupied I guessed”

“You look fabulous, so where do you want to go?”

“Could we just sit by your beach?”

“It is okay but I am just trying out celibacy, knowing my bedroom is five minutes away is not going to help matters”

“Uche are we going to be uncomfortable with each other. Sex or the lack of it shouldn’t deny us quality time with each other besides I trust you”

He looked at her hard for a moment and smiled with approval. “It’s my house keeper’s day off, we should ransack the fridge for snacks and drinks” he led her out of the living room.

Nma sat opposite Uche on the beach; he poured them some non alcoholic wine and smiled at her. Then he chuckled

“What is it?”

“I am laughing at life” he told her

“Yes life can be very funny, here we are all over again, and it is like running in circles and coming back to where we started”

“Except that now we know better, we know each other better” he smiled and toasted her.

“To our new beginning”

“Tell me because I am dying of curiosity, how come you are still a virgin”

Nma put down her drink and stared at him. She wanted to make sure she understood his question. They might be in a good palce now but their relationship was still on a shaky ground. All she wanted from now on was to strengthen it.

“You know for a girl as beautiful as you are, it is a little too difficult to believe”

“I know what you mean but I am still a virgin because it was a promise to God, I made a vow to him that if he helped me start up my fashion house, I would remain a virgin till I got married”

He looked at her still puzzled “what pushed to make that kind of vow, I mean there are other things you could promise him, like tithe, some kind of offering or thanks giving”

“Yes I know but at the time the situation I found myself in made me promise that very thing”

“Tell me” he demanded

Nma heaved a sigh and wondered where to start, she could see herself five, six years ago. Going from one of her father’s friends to another asking and pleading for help and the condition they gave her before she could get their help. Nma wondered if Uche could understand how she felt at that time. As she related her experience to him, she watched the play of emotions on his face.

As he listened, he was growing angrier by the minute, she was barely twenty one at the time. And he wished he knew those men, he wished he could take wide swing at them.

Nma looked up at him. “Before my father died, he taught me to believe that a woman’s virtue was her greatest possession and the greatest gift she could give her husband. So you could understand how I felt then, so I decided that I wasn’t going to give in to them and if God would help me, then I would not give in to those men or any other man outside marriage”

Uche heaved sigh

“I have never regretted my decision before except the last time we were together, that day I came very close to doing so. Of course I knew you might react the way you did but then what choice did I have. It had to happen, you would have come to know one day, so the sooner you realized that I might not be able give you all needed the better for us. Uche to be honest with you, that vow was the best thing that has ever happened to my life. It earned me respect, happiness, peace and joy. Otherwise my life would have turned out differently I would have lost it by now in chase of vanity”

Uche couldn’t believe what was just revealed to him or to put it correctly, what he had just been given. He saw her worried face, the conflicting emotions running through it. He knew just right then that it was not an easy decision for her make and he respected her and the integrity she displayed by standing up to her beliefs.

“I am sorry I acted the way I did honey but if I knew the story behind it maybe I would have reacted differently. But In my experience, no girl has ever said no to me, they only had to hear the name Okoha and they would be falling all over themselves to get my attention. You could never begin to imagine what some girls had gone through to make themselves my wife. So as I sat there and listened to you, I could only think of my other experiences” he told her and kissed her fingers. “But you are different even then when I was angry I knew you were and as soon as I got to my car, I knew I had made a mistake but pride kept me from coming back”

“I was just a breath a way from calling you back and damning the whole vow but I guess my fear for God held me back”

“It is ironic because all these while I had a real live angel in my hands and I didn’t know” Uche spoke softly. “I could have lost you”

“I am not an angel, I am just a girl trying to live a decent life” she smiled at him.

“You may not know it but there are not many girls like you out there and I consider myself lucky to have you” he said honestly.

“A part of me believed you would say something like this to me some day”

“And that part wasn’t wrong but I was shocked at first but coming to think of it, you are one priceless jewel, not even all my money could buy you”

“I guess you are right” she smiled at him then she placed her hand on his “It is not going to be that bad. I am going to show you that relationships could be enjoyed without sex. The best ones are the ones you are not blinded by lust. This way we could get to know and enjoy more important things about each other”

“Hmm! Are you a philosopher too” Uche asked jovially

“Among other things” she agreed.

“Still I wonder if life of celibacy would suit you and how long you would last.” Nma wondered aloud.

“Who talked about celibacy?”

Nma stopped smiling, shocked at his words.

“Are you saying that you would have other women, who will be seeing to your sexual needs while you wait till I am ready?” she sat up, facing him. “Uche look, I know I have no right to ask you to live a life of celibacy but at the same time I won’t have you cheating on me. So the choice is yours” she said trying to choke back tears, she was highly disappointed that he thought that he could have other women while keeping her as an idol.

“Temper! Temper!” Uche chanted. “I wasn’t suggesting that I will be sleeping with other women, I was only saying that I won’t have to live the life of celibacy for a long time because we will be…” he trailed off. What was he thinking; he was just one breath away from asking her to marry him.

“I don’t understand” Nma said, her heart was jumping, she thought, she felt Uche was about to ask her to marry him, he was going to say it; she was so sure of that, why did he stop. She didn’t want to push so she kept quiet.

He leaned over and kissed her and all thought about what he was going to say fled from her mind.

“It is getting late” he said, “and I still have to drive you home”

Nma could feel her depression starting, she was sure he was going to ask her to marry him. He was saying he would not have to live life celibacy long because they were… gush! She wore silently. Why did he stop, was he that scared of marriage or was she the one he wasn’t sure of. She promised she wasn’t going to push but it was frustrating when he left important things half said. He could be scared, she thought. What could have happened to make him this scared of women? She remembered what Charles told her about the woman he was going to marry.  Somehow she hated that woman because he couldn’t get past her betrayal to give her a chance.

Uche opened the car for her but before she could enter, he gave her a hug

“I am glad we made up” he smiled at her

“Even though it is a bit awkward”

“Don’t worry, we will get used to it” he told her and kissed her. Nma kissed him back. She saw a shadow move and looked up abruptly.

“What is it?”

“I thought I saw someone”

“Must be the guard”

“Would he be hiding in shadows?”

“Honey nothing can get past this gate without permission, not without triggering off the alarm anyway”

“Ok” she agreed reluctantly” and smiled at him.

As they drove away, he drew her in his hands and drove with the other. She relaxed in his hands and closed her eyes. This time when the cool love music wafted into the air she didn’t become scared or sarcastic but they looked at each other and smiled into each others eyes.

She broke down to tears, the one who has been watching, the one who was mightily in love with him, the one it was obvious he would never love. “I am going to get her” she vowed. “I am going to make sure I get her out of the picture and I don’t care how I do it as long as he doesn’t see her again”

AMBERROMANX

WHEN THE HEART KNOWS

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Nma plunged herself into her work trying to forget Uche. During the days she busied herself by working till Helen or Felix dragged her home. Once she got home she hid in her studio, trying to avoid looking into the living room where Uche sat the last time he was in her house. She didn’t come out of the studio till the wee hours of the morning and even that was spent tossing and turning and missing Uche and by the time she woke up she would be tired and limp. Then she would drag herself to the bathroom to get ready for the day. Most days she went without food, because each time she entered her kitchen, the first thing she would see was standing in that room with Uche happily cooking for him. At work she preferred the enjoyment her work gave her than searching for food. It was Helen who always came to her rescue, she would bring her some take away each time she was coming back from lunch. Uche never called, though she denied it even to herself but she waited silently in endless torment for his call to come. To apologize to her and tell her he had realized he loved her too much to let her go and that he was willing to wait till their wedding night to consummate their love. That was the secret thought that kept her going and that prevented her from going totally insane.

She wondered what he was doing now. Was he suffering the way she was, no she didn’t think so. If he was in the least way feeling a little bit of she was feeling, he would have called her by now. If for nothing to stop this burning pain, this pain which felt like her heart was being ripped into two, this pain which was pushing her to fall into nothingness where she would not think or feel. Into oblivion where there will be no painful thoughts of Uche to rip her heart apart. No foolish imagination of him with another woman who wouldn’t mind giving him everything he wanted in bed and out of it to fill her with livid rage. Where there would be no self pitying and wondering how he could forget so completely after all they had shared to bring her to tears. She wiped the tears rolling down her cheeks. She wondered when she was going get over him. Somehow she knew that might not be possible. She was in love with Uche Okoha and it seemed as if God created only him for her. She wondered if it would not be wise to go to him but she shook that thought out of her mind and wiped her tears. She loved the man but he cared only for her body and if she accepted that and went back to him, what would happen when her body tired him. She could not tell except that the pain would be twice the one she was then feeling. It was better this way she assured herself. It might look impossible now but with time she would get over him. Didn’t they say that time healed everything. She hastily wiped her face as the door knob moved and Helen entered bearing a take away nylon. Nma smiled kindly at the girl.

“Thank you Helen but you shouldn’t have bothered”

“Someone has to bother about you since you couldn’t careless about yourself” Helen sounded a bit angry and Nma understood,

“You are a good friend Helen, thank you” she said and opened nylon, the aroma of the food wafted through her nose, her stomach growled and she sighed in anticipation.

“Nma what is wrong? Helen startled her by asking

“Nothing, the food is perfect, I can’t believe how hungry I am”

“That is not what I mean, for the past couple of weeks; you have been acting like you are on a suicide mission”

“Well I… you see, sometimes I go into these kinds moods to get enough job done. You know I have bitten more than I can chew in this business” she smiled trying to ease Helen’s concern. “But really I am fine now, and that means anytime you are going for lunch, call me and we would go together”

“If you are sure, look you can tell me anything and it won’t get out of this door”

“I know but there is nothing to tell” she managed another smile and went back to her food.

“And here I was worrying thinking Prince charming has called his signature tune”

Nma managed a laugh to cover up the instant pain that hit her. She didn’t get angry with Helen; there was no way she could have known the kind of pain any reference to Uche’s name brought her. It was even more shocking that everyone believed that her relationship with Uche was short-lived. Well everyone knew Uche was a play boy who went through women like they were nothing but water yet she blinded herself to that fact just because she believed what they had was different. Well it served her right to find out this way, she looked at Helen and forced a smile, “Is that what you call him now?” she asked Helen jovially

“Well you would agree with me that the guy is the latter day prince charming and both of you would make a good fairy tale couple”

Nma hardly smiled this time around, she was concentrating on swallowing the pain in her throat so it doesn’t come out in tears.

“I guess you are right but you also mentioned his signature tune Helen, I am well prepared for that could happen anytime”

“My guess is if he is still with you this long, he might not be going anywhere else in a long time” Helen answered

Nma chuckled “I hope so” she bent down to hide her face and concentrated on the food.

“I’d better leave you to eat, see you later”

As soon as she left, Nma breathed a sigh of relief calling herself different kinds of fool for not coming out and telling Helen that she had already been dumped, that Uche had already called his signature tune. But it was really shameful to sit here and admit it to Helen that Uche dumped her, her pride would not let her descend that low. But was she not a fool for hiding it. Very soon they would find out anyway, Uche would start dating other women and he would take them to places people would see them or the press might snap a shot of them for the tabloids. And Helen and every other person would find out the truth. So she was a fool for not opening up to Helen who had nothing but her best interest at heart. She sighed and pushed the food away. She had lost all appetite for the food. What did she care about when people find out, she wasn’t the only girl dumped by Uche nor would she be the only girl he would ever date. Then she smiled because she would remain the only one who refused to sleep with him even after knowing how rich he was. She was different and some how he would always remember the one who was different, the one who didn’t let his wealth and position sway her and the only one who loved him more than life itself. Maybe one day he would realize that and probably it would be too late.

She stood up and looked around her studio, she must stop mourning. Uche should be the one mourning her loss. Any man who married her at last would have peace of mind. He could trust her completely. She would spend the rest of her life making him happy and these were what Uche had lost because he couldn’t see beyond his lust. No he should be the one mourning because he had lost a virtuous woman whom all his money could never buy. God help him because he might just settle down with one of those women he dated often and then he would realize what he lost when he let her go because he couldn’t understand virtue.

She wiped her tear and looked ahead determined. She was done bemoaning her loss. She was not the one who lost out here. Money could be made and there are thousand and one handsome men but virtue cannot be bought. She packed her bags, heading for home.

Meanwhile Uche was at work, he had been listening to two men to talk about a business deal for one hour and he still did not comprehend what they were talking about. He had this irritating head ache that had refused to go away since it started a couple of week ago when he walked out Nma life. He rubbed his fore head and tried to concentrate on what the men were talking about but the head ache grew even  more severe. He wished he had not taunted her, He could still see the forlorn look on her face as she watched him say hurtful words to her. He shook his head and tried block her out from his mind. He reached to his phone and called Star, she should take over this meeting probably she could make some sense out of what the men where saying. Besides he needed to rest, he had the feeling that he was coming down with some kind of ailment and he needed to see his doctor. Just at that moment Star entered, she took one look at Uche and understood what was going on. She has been suspecting that he was unwell and she worried that he was working himself to death but anytime she tried to talk to him, he brushed her aside.  She could see very well that what was bothering him had reached his limit. She smiled at the men

“Sorry gentlemen you are going to have to finish up this meeting with me, Mr. Okoha has another pressing appointment he can’t miss. The men nodded and Uche smiled at her secretly and stood, he nearly sat back down because all of a sudden he felt dizzy but his stubborn will kept him from staggering as walked through the room and out. Star followed him because somehow she knew something was wrong.

“I’ll just be a minute” she followed Uche.

“Uche” she called as he \was about to press the button for his private elevator, he frowned at her.

“Are you alright?” she asked with concern

“I am fine” he replied and entered the elevator.

Star went back to the men still worried about Uche.

His private elevator opened to the underground car park, he knew what he needed, a weekend at Eden castle. Could it be that he was suffering from heart break? He stopped shocked. He didn’t love the girl to begin with. But it was glaring right there before him that he was missing Nma. He shuddered again, he couldn’t believe it. He was actually thinking that marrying her would not be such a bad idea. She was not the kind of woman he would have picked out for a wife. He had always thought that his wife would be attractive, soft spoken, gentle and well bred. Her manners would be impeccable and she would have gone to an expensive finishing school. He wanted a woman who would be content being his wife, handling his personal and social life and keeping out of his business. Nma was the exact opposite. She would not be content being a wife, mother and a great hostess. No she was ambitious and knew what she wanted and how to get there. There was no doubt that she would make a good hostess but she was too independent and ambitious. Those were the qualities he preferred in a mistress rather than a wife. He laughed out aloud as he threw in his brief case at the back seat of his car. He should have realized that he was only fooling himself when he had separate qualities for a wife and mistress. He got into this car and squeezed his eyes shut rubbing his eyes, he was not missing Nma it was just this irritating headache he told himself. Once he took care of it, he would be fine.

Nma opened her door for Eva and she smiled in spite of her pain. She didn’t want to see Eva; she didn’t want anybody reminding her of Uche.

“Hello” Eva said smiling, “so this is where you stay, it is very cozy and beautiful”

“I know it is nothing compared to your house”

“Oh there is a difference, everything here you worked for, and so you can truly enjoy their value”

“Sit down may I remind you that if you are not working hard at the bank right now, you probably might not afford all that”

“You are right but my trust fund alone is more than enough even if I didn’t ever work” she smiled at Nma. “Sometimes I envy women like you who didn’t have everything given to them”

“I am sure you didn’t come here to bore me with regrets, so what do I offer you, I made a mean pot of banga stew and I have this native rice I could boil”

“No wonder my brother loves you, I can’t cook yet Charles thinks the moon and sun rise and set in my eyes” she smiled “but you are right, I came here because I was thinking we should hang out tonight”

Nma was taken aback, she wasn’t the hanging out type and why would Eva be asking her? She was sure it was not for lack of friends. She was sure the girl felt that she and Uche were still seeing each other, and she was probably trying to draw her into their circle of friends. Nma heaved a sigh looking for a way to reject the invitation without seeming rude.

“Please don’t say no, please, this is one of those rare evening at the bank I get some time off and I really want to enjoy it” Eva pleaded

“I thought you might want to spend it with Charles, he would be thrilled”

“He is out of town. Please say you’d go please”

Nma smiled at the girl pleading “Ok but it takes me ages to get ready and I need to know where exactly we are going”

“It is a house party with lots of interesting people”

It was at the tip of her tongue to ask the girl if Uche was going to be there but she stopped because she would only succeed in pricking Eva’s curiosity. She didn’t want the girl asking uncomfortable questions about her relationship with her brother.

“Just grab a jeans a tank top and wear some mean bikini, you might never know”

Nma turned to look at her “Seriously where are we going to?”

“Let’s say I like surprises but don’t worry you will enjoy it. Wouldn’t it be nice to relax and be yourself without my jealous brother scaring off all the other guys?”

Nma stared at her curiously “why do I get the feeling that I am not going to enjoy this evening”

“You know Uche is out town, he should be somewhere in Europe, but I am sure you know that. Charles is out of town too, I am just saying we should do something more exciting than missing them” Eva laughed and Nma smiled. Truly the girl was spoilt good and proper, Nma thought but she was right on one thing though. It was high time she did something more exciting than wallowing in self pity and missing Uche.

“You want to come help me look for what wear?” Nma asked Eva and the two of the left for Nma’s bedroom.

Nma decided she was going with her car after what happened with her friends the last time she hung out; she didn’t want to get stranded in a strange place. But Eva wouldn’t hear of it, she insisted that where they were going was very safe and she would bring her home. Nma wasn’t up to much argument so she agreed and took one last look at her deep blue pencil jeans and red T shirt.

Nma saw the other part of Eva as she drove. For someone who was in the mood to party she was unbelievably careful and patient with other road users and very quiet as opposed to the talkative female who convinced her to come party.

“I like driving at night because there is no traffic or impatient drivers. You can just let the car glide without hearing curses behind you.

“Strange because other people I know enjoy driving at night because it is about the only time they can speed. They like the feeling of flying that comes with it”

Eva smiled and made a turn and she found herself in Uche’s neighborhood.

“Don’t tell me we are partying in this neighborhood”

“I asked you to bring a bikini; where else would we find a private beach”

“I… I think you should tell me what this is all about”

“Ok I just want to use my brother’s house since he is out town, it is going to annoy him when he comes home for sure but who cares”

“Turn the car around, if you want to annoy your brother fine but I don’t want to be part of it”

Eva smiled “Don’t worry, I will not name you if it goes wrong, besides Uche already knows I would be here today, in fact he expects it, calm down sugar”

They drove into the compound and Nma heart lurched into her throat as she remembered the last time she was here. She could feel the pain tearing in her heart. She should tell Eva the truth; she should let the girl know that she was no longer seeing her brother. Then again she reasoned. What was the point, Uche wasn’t around, and besides she didn’t want to be the jilted girlfriend in the presence of other girls, who might have had something with him before or who were still dreaming. Tonight she wanted to be the envy of the other girls. She wanted the other girls to look at her in awe and whisper about her and Uche.  “You go on, let me park the car well before I join you”

“Ok” Nma stopped as a thought occurred to her. “You never told me how many guest you have here”

“Just like five of us, all girls, and every single one of them of them is crushing on my brother and they are dying to meet you, the one who won the battle”

“I am not sure I like that, being the object of scrutiny and envy, can I go home please”

“Not a chance, besides you are already here. Are you not curious about the kind of the girls Uche may have been attracted to in the past?”

“Not really” she smiled at Eva

“Oh quit being a chicken and run along, while I park this car”

Nma walked up to the door and knocked, still shaking her head. She couldn’t believe she was here, in Uche’s house and in his absence. What temporal insanity drove her to do this, was she so desperate to be near him? What would he think when he heard she was one of those partying in his house in his absence? She shuddered at that and was just about to leave. She didn’t care what Eva said, she was leaving. This was stupidity. She was not going to let Uche think she couldn’t survive without him or that she was desperate for his presence that she would sneak into his house and party. No way, she had got some dignity. But the door was suddenly opened and she had to turn back to the person at the door and the person turned out to be Uche. She stared at him astonished. He too was looking at her surprised. Nma turned back to Eva but she was driving out already and waving at him.

“What in the world are you two up to?”

At that point she would have given anything for the ground to open and swallow her.

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AUTHOR

CHIOMA ONUOHA 

WHEN THE HEART KNOWS 

CHAPTER  TEN

He had watched her looking at him as if she wanted to bolt from the house. She was afraid he could see that perfectly but he was puzzled. Why would she be afraid? Of course it was always frightening and exciting when one was taking a new lover. You had doubts and uncertainties wondering if the person would find you satisfying. But she shouldn’t worry about that, he found her satisfying already with her standing there in that mini gown, with her long braids left to run free. A girl of her experience should know what that alone could do to a man. He watched as his words sank into her mind and she smiled at him casually. Pushing her fright to the back of her mind for the moment, he was sure, he thought slightly amused by her fear.

“Of course not” she said moving to sit down on an arm chair.

He expected that of course. He knew she would choose a chair that put her as far away from him as possible and a chair that was too small for him to want to join her in it. But he was determined to have his way with her but he wasn’t going to act like a cave man and drag her to sit with him. All he needed was some finesse and she would become more than a willing partner. Suddenly it dawned on him that he didn’t know what to do. This situation was new to him. Usually most of his women were more than willing and most of them would have started the seduction game before now. Contrary to what the papers wrote about him, he wasn’t the heartless debaucher they have made him out to be. He hardly seduced women but for the first in his life, here was a woman who was not willing to become his bed partner. Was she different or was she just putting on an act to make him desperate and at her mercy. He smiled, if that was her game, she had failed woefully. It would take more than an act for a mere woman to scheme her way into his wealth and connection. She had an awful disappointment ahead of her. With that in mind, he decided that enough was enough. He was tired of the teasing game she was playing. She knew what he wanted and he was not going to let her make a fool of him by keeping him hanging.

“There is enough space here for both of us” Uche said standing up to draw her to the couch. Slowly he drew her to her feet and led her to the couch. He was surprised that she followed willingly. He had thought she would offer some resistance.

Nma sat down beside him, nervous, wondering why she had let him draw her to the couch. What was wrong with her was she loosing her mind, had she gone totally insane? Here she was acting like a starry eyed teenager when her virtue and her vow were at stake. But she knew somehow that she had nothing to fear of him because she was sure he would not force her. She was sure that he would be angry but she was very sure he would never force himself on her. That wasn’t his style. Uche would love a willing and experienced woman who knew what she was doing, a woman who would take as well as give back pleasure for pleasure. And she was not that woman, what was she thinking, that a miracle would happen? She stiffened as he drew her into his hand and pressed a kiss on her fore head.

“Relax I am not going to bite you” he whispered into her ear and she shuddered as his breath touched her ears, and found herself relaxing. Then she realized that not only did she love him, she also trusted him. Probably she needed to have him this way to explain to him why she was going to say no to this. A mind screamed at her that now was the time to tell him but still she hesitated.

“This is very cozy isn’t it?” Uche murmured.

Nma kept quiet and picked up the remote control; she was looking for what to do put off what she had to say a while longer because she was also aware that his reaction would determine her future with him, her quite coveted future with him. She heaved a sigh and turned the music off. It was best if she started with breaking the mood. Uche looked at her as the music stopped and she smiled at him and turned on the television. “There is this series I like watching and it will soon be on air” she said trying to divert his thoughts.

He grimaced and took the remote control from her and switched it back the music. Really he was getting angry with her game. “This fits the mood better” he said and started kissing her. He was not going to give her the chance to wriggle out of his hands again.

As usual Nma felt her resistance melting away

“Well what is there in a kiss?” she reasoned. He had kissed her before and still they didn’t feel inclined to take it further, why should this particular kiss be different, she let herself enjoy the moment. This was the man she loved and she was sure he cared about her and in her estimation, it was a start. Through his words and action he had shown her how much he really cared and she knew it wouldn’t be long before he told her how much he loved her.  she felt her hands circle his neck and Uche sighed, he knew she had been fighting with her mind ever since and it seemed as if she had made up her mind at last then Uche raised his head and looked at her.. Each time he touched her, he had always felt her body and mind leap into response. But this time was different. Probably she was just nervous because she knew he wasn’t just planning to kiss and go. He wanted to make love to her and he was going out of his mind waiting for a sign that she wanted the same thing at this very moment that he did.  “You’re beautiful” he murmured.

Nma smiled at him lovingly, her heart in her eyes. She loved him and yet she didn’t think it was right to sleep with him just to show him she did. She wanted him so much yet it was not just his body that was most important to her but his mind too. She wanted him to belong to her mind, body and soul. And that had nothing to do with sex. At that moment she realized that love was not all about sex. If he truly loved her, he wouldn’t bear to leave her for any reason at all, least of all sex because she couldn’t see herself leaving him for that same reason or any other reason at all. Then she decided to follow Felix’s advice. She knew it was time she did something about their situation; she also knew she should tell him she wasn’t ready for this. He already knew she was a girl with principles and high standards. But she was very scared of how he would take it, would he hurt her by taunting and making mockery of her and her belief. could she forgo all her dad had taught her and all Felix advised and fall into the magic she knew she will experience in his arms,

“Oh God help me” she cried silently, “I’m so confused, I don’t want to loose him, I can’t bear it” what a time to ask for God’s help” she asked. Well she knew she would need his divine strength to resist Uche’s touch because she had already lost control of her body and she was fast loosing the control of mind too to the magic he was weaving. But if he truly loved her, she thought, would he leave her just because she didn’t want to make love with him outside marriage. Surely his love for her was not just for her body? She asked herself confused, and if it was her body he loved more, could she live with that knowing he would leave when ever he got tired of the body, Could she settle for that? No, she swore silently. She would never settle for less, if he loved her, it must be her soul and not just her body. And there was no other way to find out what he really wanted from her but by saying no like Felix and her father had taught her.

Nma was jostled out of her thought when he began kissing her again. And she was lost. Her whole resolve forgotten but when his hands went for her zipper and his bare hands made contact with her. she felt her body come alive in a way it had never before and he began slide his hands into her softness, and her body reacted like she had been shocked, she had never experienced such excitement and she became frightened; she had never gone this far with any other man before. At that instant, she made up her mind.

“Uche” she called quietly, “I don’t want to do this” she said softly but firmly.

Uche stopped instantly because he heard her. It was his nature to listen. He wanted at all cost to meet up to her expectation but her words were not what he was expecting. What kind of a game was she playing, he was fast becoming irritated. Only few moments ago he had felt her shudder by his touch and he knew she wanted him as much as he did her. Was she one of those girls who used an opportunity like this to get what they want from a man? If she was, then he was walking out of that door faster than a bolt lightening. But first of all he wanted to know why, why was she denying them what they both wanted.

“Why” he asked almost in a whisper but he couldn’t hide his surprise.

“Because I am not that kind of a girl” she answered angry at herself, for goodness sake you could do better than that she scolded herself. But all her thoughts have fled, leaving her empty; she didn’t even know how to explain herself to him.

“What kind of girl are you then?” he asked sitting up and staring at her without any trace of anger but he was very much astonished. Yes he was astonished, what kind of girl was she then, he very much wanted to find out. He had always known that she was different and right now he wanted to know why and who she was exactly.

Nma heaved a sigh and prayed that he would accept her the way she was.  But first of all she did up her zip and turned to him with pleading eyes “Every person in this world has some kind of belief or guiding principle” she said and smiled at him. He was looking very curious and she decided to go on. “I was brought up to believe that sex is sacred and should be practiced only within the sacred bonds of marriage” she kept quiet dreading to see the look on his face.

Uche was greatly astonished and he wanted to laugh, was this her way of telling him that he must marry her if he wanted a piece of her. Women, he thought, they were all the same. She was very fidgety he saw and he decided to calm down a bit before he told her exactly what he thought of her.

“I know you might think I am naïve and a blast from the past but it is my standards and I cannot compromise it” she said firmly

Uche was speechless, and he was getting angrier by the minute, what did she think that he was, a fool? How could she sit there and calmly try to lure him into marriage without so much as by your leave.  And she was on top of it looking very sincere, almost frightened. No he wasn’t angry, he was very furious, and what was she trying to tell him, that she was a virgin? Was she trying to say that she has never been with a man? Of course he was not going to believe that. A girl as ambitious and beautiful as she was could never remain a virgin this long. In this time and age, he didn’t have any illusion left where women were, least of all a very beautiful one. So she was a virgin, he mocked, he was determined to know.

Okay now, Nma thought this was where he would laugh or taunt her or use a more effective method to achieve his goal. He could decide to persuade her into compromising her standards. But the unthinkable would be leaving her. She couldn’t bear to loose him and at the same time, she couldn’t turn her back to all she has been taught all her life and above all her vow to her Heavenly Father.

“Are you a virgin?”  She heard him ask quietly but he didn’t deceive her, she could see that he was trying to hold on to his temper and she stared at him. No words came out of her mouth; so Nma nodded wordlessly, and looked down on her entwined fingers nervously. She didn’t expect the question either, she heard him heave a sigh and she stiffened herself waiting for his reaction.

Of course Uche didn’t believe her for one moment. There was no way she could still be a virgin, had he not seen her a few times before deciding to come after her. Had he not seen her with different guys and at different occasions? Was she not so close to Ken that she was contemplating getting married to him? Was she trying to say that all those men were nothing more than social escorts, could she honestly sit here and tell him Ken had no carnal knowledge of her?  He had had enough and he wasn’t going to sit and watch a mere child play with his mind. No woman no matter how beautiful could force or lure or scheme her way into being his wife. Whenever he wanted marriage, he was going to pick out the woman by himself and it was going to be devoid of any scheming on the woman’s side. What did women think that he was so foolish that any woman could become his wife by flaunting a beautiful body or by claiming innocence she lost in her mother’s womb? He looked at her and he wondered what made her think he wanted a virgin in the first place. In this time and age, virginity did not represent purity or high morals. It only represented Lack of opportunity and probably the person was too dull and afraid to take a chance so she would be in other areas of her life. Uche stood up and Nma turned to look at her.

“I should be leaving” he said calmly to answer her unspoken question.

“You didn’t say anything” she said quietly

“That is because I don’t want make this situation more awkward than it is already”

“I don’t understand” Nma said, she didn’t know why she was persistent. Then she realized that her mind understood the fact that if Uche walked out from that door, he would never come back. And she felt like crying all of a sudden.

“What is there to understand, you said I cannot touch you unless I am willing to make you my wife and I have no intention of doing that so what’s the point in staying?”

Nma gasped with shock.  “So all these while it has been about my body”

“Surprised, I was too, finding out very calmly too that all these while it has been about becoming Mrs. Okoha”

She looked at him with shock “You cannot mean that”

“Look at this, for the past one month, we have been seeing each other and I was greatly puzzled by your games of hard to get but now I get it. All those show of intelligence, all those squirming when I kiss you, all that anger was nothing but a show to make me think you are different and give you the coveted title Mrs. Okoha but this is the last straw. You didn’t have to lie about your virginity honey, I am not on the look out for a virgin” he began to walk out.

Nma was shocked, she refused to cry. She had always known that he would react this way.  She had had the suspicion that he would not be nice about it too but what she didn’t guess was how devastated she would become. She was just a breath a way from calling him back and allowing him to have his way with her. But what for, for a man who had just confirmed that he wanted nothing but a fling with her? No she wasn’t going to call him back; she was going to put her life back together like she always did. But she suspected that this time she might not be able to do that judging from how she was feeling. She turned away; she didn’t want to see him walk away from her. She was afraid that she would call him back if she saw him.

Uche watched her sitting down, looking forlorn, uncertain and scared. He had never seen her that way and his heart went out to her. He wanted to go to her and comfort her but then he thought, her reaction could be part of her plan. Look pitiful enough so he won’t have the heart to leave. He was sure that was what she was telling herself right now.

“Please leave” Nma heard herself say “I am sorry that was the impression you got but it wasn’t what I intended. I would agree that becoming Mrs. Okoha has its merits but honestly those merits does not fascinate me, good bye Uche, it was nice knowing and learning from you”

He chuckled “You don’t have to salvage your dignity with that little feel good speech” he mocked.

Uche hesitated only for a fraction of a minute and left.

The shutting of the door sounded like a shutting of a prison gate and all of sudden everywhere became quiet. So she had truly lost him, not for a while, but forever. She let the tears fall then, it just dawned on her and she didn’t think she could take it. She couldn’t wish things were different. She was only hurt and mildly thankful that she didn’t give in to his desire. But now her eyes were open and she was not crying for Uche alone but for all the men she would eventually fall in love with but who would eventually leave because of her vow with her Creator. Was there any man out there who would love her enough to wait? Was she destined to be alone for the rest of her life as result of her vow? She shook her head in self pity. She could as well resign herself to her fate, and concentrate on her business, because the few days with Uche Okoha had taught her a great lesson that men only cared about women if they could have her flat on her back and if she resisted or said no, they showed their real color. She got up slowly and went into her studio to forget the only way she knew how.