Monday 27 October 2014








AMBER ROMANCE

WHEN THE HEART KNOWS

CHAPTER NINETEEN


Nma almost fainted as pain and betrayal tore at her heart and through her body. Just immediately Uche came out from the bathroom looking so fresh and handsome with towel round his waist and he was looking quite surprised to see her. The smile started on his face.
“Sweetheart, what a ….” But he stopped when he saw her stricken face, then he saw Angela lying down contently in the middle of the bed.
“What….” He roared
“Nma this is not what you think” he turned to Angela “what are you doi....” he trailed off confused.
“Not a good cover up darling” Angela cooed
“You bastard” Nma hissed at him and turned to go but she thought better of it. Not without giving Angela one last embarrassment. She turned to face her with her hands on her hips her face contorted with anger.
“Get out of here now” she told her firmly, looking at Uche daring him to oppose her but Uche looked even angrier than her. Angela looked at Uche first and saw the ice in his eyes, then she looked at Nma seeing only her angry eyes ready to kill, she wrapped the duvet around her and picked up her scattered clothes putting them on hastily and trying to hold on to the duvet at the same time. If Nma wasn’t so angry, she would have laughed at the picture she made. But laughter was the last thing on her mind, she felt lifeless.
“Funny attempts on modesty” she hissed at Angela as she ran past her. They turned to each other when Angela was gone. He moved close to her.
“Nma listen, this is not what you think...”
“Stop it, just stop it” she wipes the tears from her eyes “I know what I saw” she rasped angrily. She twisted the engagement from her and threw it at him. “It was perfectly clear the lesson you taught me, good riddance” she hissed walking out on him. She walked with dignity out of the house but ran to her car when she came outside. She was shaking uncontrollably as she got into the car. She was feeling faint and had to blink severally to concentrate. Her fingers shook violently as she tried to separate her car key from the rest of the keys in the bunch. When she finally got it separated, she jammed it into the ignition and accelerated with all her might. She couldn’t believe it; she didn’t want to believe it. This couldn’t be happening to her; she thought dashing tears from her eyes angrily. Uche whom she trusted so much, why? Oh why? She thought painfully would he sleep with Angela of all women. So Angela had been right all along, she said Uche always came back to her, she painfully recalled.  Then why call her, why come after her, why make her fall in love in with him? When it was Angela he obviously loved and wanted. Why go after other women when he knew he would always go back to Angela no matter what? She cried. She felt her heart constrict with bitter pain.
“Oh! God give me the heart to bear this or I will die from the pain of it” she cried letting the tears flow freely now.
Once she got into her house, she ran inside and locked the door and flopped down on the couch crying bitterly. Her body shook with her sobs. She tried to pull herself together but she couldn’t, the pain tearing inside her was too much.
How could he, how could he have had the heart to do this to her, she thought painfully. Then Angela’s word came back to her “Do you honestly think that Uche is faithful to you? You and I both know how virile he is. What makes you think he would remain celibate for God knows how long in a country where there are lots and lots of free women?” oh! She cried more bitterly.  She knew how virile he was, just from his kisses and touch; she knew how passionate he would be. How could she have expected him to live a celibate life knowing this?
“I gave him choice at the beginning; he could have opted out knowing he wouldn’t cope?” She told herself firmly. But he didn’t because he thought he could have his cake and eat it. He thought he could sleep around and still have a virgin bride waiting for him on his bed on his wedding night, she thought bitterly her sobs breaking for a moment.
He was a cheat and nothing but a liar, pretending he cared so much for her even to the extent of asking her to marry him by this weekend because he was getting to the end of his patience. And the fool she was thinking that it was because he loved her so much and couldn’t wait for her to finally belong to him. And when she had insisted on twenty seventh, he easily turned to Angela whom he swore he had nothing to do with who he would never have anything to do with, and she gave a bitter laugh. What a fool she had been, she thought.
Then the good times they share started coming back to her and the tears came back.  She could see both of them in Eden’s castle running about, playing and kissing at his house before he traveled. Oh! The way he kissed her felt so right, the way he used to touch her felt so right. The soft way he called her name was music to her ears and the sound of his voice,
Oh! God I hate him so much but deep down in her mind she knew that it was untrue, she still loved him. Was it possible? She asked herself rhetorically, could she still love a man who could do this to her?
Would she ever get over him? She asked herself, she knew the answer was never. But there was no way she was going to forgive him for breaking her heart, for this calculated betrayal. Yes it was calculated she realized that was why he asked to see her in her boutique in the afternoon so he would have time enough to bed Angela to his satisfaction. And in the afternoon he would act the bewildered lover telling her, the fool she was how much he loved her and she would have been thrilled. She thought bitterly, how he must have laughed at her and possibly with Angela. Going to her bed every night while spending the afternoon with the fool she was. But not anymore, she would never be any man’s fool again, she swore.
She had learnt a lesson, she had learnt how heartless, wicked and beastly men were, ruthlessly taking what they wanted and leaving you with a heart ache as large and high as Mount Everest. She thought bitterly.
A tiny voice whispered in her mind, maybe if she had offered herself to him, like his other girlfriends, he wouldn’t have gone to Angela. Maybe she pushed him into Angela’s hands. And probably he would have invited her to his house this morning instead of Angela. Obviously what he wanted was a woman in his bed to satisfy his selfish carnal appetite, not just a woman he could touch and kiss lightly to his frustration. Angela was fit to do the job. And not the naïve, inexperience and scared to experiment Nma. She thought bitterly.
“Thank God I didn’t change for him, thank God I didn’t fall for his charms” If she had, he would have been long gone by now.
“What a fool I was but never again, never again” she swore violently and stood up on shaky feet,
“Why should I wallow in self pity” she tried to console herself. “It is not as if I can turn back the hands of time” she sighed bitterly.
A loud knock on her door startled her and she knew immediately who it was at the door. But she was not going to open the door and let that cheat into her house, she decided firmly. But the knock continued and it got louder with each knock, but she adamantly refused to open the door.
“Nma I know that you are in there, you had better open this door before I destroy it” he bellowed
“Go away, I don’t want to see you ever again” she shouted back at him.
“If you don’t open the door, I am going to remove it from its hinges” he threatened but Nma stayed where she was, determined not to bulge. She grew alarmed when she heard the door squeaking, he was actually going to do it, she thought surprised. He was going to remove the door from its hinges. Angrily she stood up and moved to the door and threw it open
“What do you want? Or did you by any chance miss your way to Angela’s house?” she rasped angrily.
“Shut up, just shut up and listen” he said angrily coming into the living room.
“I don’t want to listen to you or any more of your lies, I know what I saw. What are you going to tell me, that I grew momentarily insane or that I didn’t see clearly or probably my brain was not functioning as well as it should this morning?” she laughed bitterly.
Uche felt his heart twisting with pain when he saw how hurt she was. Not that he blamed her, he blamed the stupid house keeper who let Angela in, and he must explain this to her, he thought fiercely. “If you will listen to me, I can explain” he said quietly.
“Listen so you can tell me more lies, I thought Angela didn’t mean anything to you, that you never had anything with her and would never have anything with her, you bastard. I thought you said it was so because it’s me you want and no one else, lies! All calculated lies” she shouted angrily
“But what you were hoping to achieve is what keeps me wondering, did you think I was going to give in to your voracious sexual appetite sooner or later seeing how irresistible you are. Probably you thought that a virgin is a rare catch these days and you wouldn’t mind owning one? What was it you wanted to achieve Uche, what?” she was growing hysterical.
“None of the above” he said quietly. “I fell in love with you. If I had wanted to sleep with you without marriage, I would have taken advantage of your inexperience, I would have overwhelmed you with my experience, it would have been easy, and we came close the night before I traveled. I didn’t need to propose to you”
No that line was not going to work, he didn’t love her because if he loved her, he wouldn’t have done this to her. He was only saying that now so he could get away with betraying her. At the back of her mind, she could see the truth in what he was saying but she was too hurt to believe him.
“Liar” she screamed at him instead “Why did you have to wait till afternoon to see me, was it not so you would have enough time to bed Angela!”
Uche heaved a sigh, he wasn’t sure she would understand or believe him. “If I had invited you this morning with the way I was missing you and what nearly happened the last night we were together” he closed his eyes briefly. “Do you have any idea what it did to me holding your soft body and wanting it and yet knowing that you trusted me not take advantage. I remembered how you felt in my arms as I landed. If I had seen you this morning the way I was feeling then, I would have taken you to my bed and my fear was that you would have allowed me. Then later you’d have regretted your lack of integrity” he explained quietly. “I love you Nma and I want to make love to you and have you smile at me afterwards with your wonderful eyes”
Nma was touched by his words, there was a ring of truth in them but she couldn’t get past what she saw that morning “So you decided Angela was the best option” he loved her, the bastard loved her, she could see it in his eyes. But why was he lying about what she saw this morning, why not accept it. Couldn’t he see that there was no way they could have a future together with that kind of huge unsolved betrayal between them? No, she thought, if he could still lie to her after all these, then what would happen when they were married. He didn’t love her, she assured herself. He was just reluctant to loose a virgin.
“I didn’t invite Angela; I didn’t see her till I came out of that bathroom”
“Uche other things I might forgive you but I won’t ever forgive you playing on my intelligence” she whispered. “I know what I saw. You are welcomed to Angela, it hurts now but with time it will stop hurting” she said turning her back on him. How could she? She cried silently; tell him that when all she wanted to do was go into his arms and have him hug her, kiss her and soothe her but she couldn’t do that, she didn’t want to be played for a fool again.
“You can’t mean that!” he said sounding very astonished.
Hearing the surprise in his words gave her a little triumph and she turned to face him firmly.
“You can be sure I do because Uche I can never trust you again and without trust, love can be very dangerous” she turned her back to him. There was no way she could face him and have the heart to tell him all what she wanted to tell him. She was surprised to feel his hands around her. She knew she was done in because his hands felt so wonderful and she actually leaned back and rested her head on his wide hard chest. Uche turned her around and started kissing her tenderly at first but when he remembered that he had almost lost her, he kissed her harder marveling at her response. Oh! How he wanted her, he didn’t know if would be able to stop this time around. But he must stop, he decided or she would conclude that this was another calculated attempt to get her back. But oh! She felt so right in his arms and went on kissing her.
Nma responded to his kissing wantonly, she missed him and the two week they were apart was not a joke; she could feel herself straining to get closer to him. It was as if she couldn’t get close enough. “Oh! How I love this man!” she sighed and that brought her back to earth. “How could you?” she said to herself, “How could you love him still and respond to his kisses so shamelessly after all he has done” she thought. This must be another premeditated effort to get her back. Then his words came back to her loud and clear. “I would have taken advantage of your inexperience, I would have overwhelmed you with my experience, and it would have been easy…..” she didn’t want to remember more and she stopped responding and became still. She was not going to dignify his efforts by struggling, she decided.
Uche sensed her withdrawal and let her go; he knew he had frightened her. “I am sorry, I was…”
“Save your apologies, you’ve proved to me that you could have had me without marriage, you only have to use your experience to overwhelm me and I will forget myself. But surprised are you, you couldn’t and you know why? I have grown up, I grew up the minute I saw Angela on your bed”
“Haven’t you heard a word I said? He asked harshly.
“I did, I need time to think it all through” she said
“Time?” he asked “What does that mean?” Uche knew he sounded desperate but he didn’t care, the thought of loosing her was unbearable.
“I need time to sort it all out. If  you would please excuse me, I have work to do” she said turning her back on him.
Uche was bewildered by the change in her, it was as if he could not get through her that she never loved him and he tried to put it all together. Then he could feel his own temper rising, how could she choose not to trust him after all he had sacrificed to be with her? He had accepted her the way she was, changed his life style so he could be with her and never in all that did he give her a reason to doubt him. He couldn’t get a hold on temper no matter how much he tried.
“Now I understand, that scene was what you have been waiting for, now you have a reason, I mean your triumph is great. You have succeeded where others have failed. You dumped the formidable Uche Okoha” he said bitterly.
“That’s not true! You are turning everything to soothe your wounded ego”
“save your breath, I’m leaving but bear this in mind, you’ll realize the truth one day and you’ll beg me to take you back, it is only then I’ll have my revenge” he said walking out.
Nma stood still seething. Then it dawned on her that he is gone. She cried out, “I may never see him again” she turned and ran to the door and threw it open but he was already gone.  She slumped on the couch and sighed bitterly. The tears began to roll down her eyes again, “I will survive” she told herself, “I must, I have to”. After all she survived when Felix who was her first love chose Tessy over her, her young heart had survived it.  But what she felt for Felix could be compared to candle light against the burning furnace of feeling she felt for Uche. How was she going to live without him, she asked herself, how was she going to stop this blinding pain in her heart. She asked again drying her tears.
“Oh! Help me, I can’t bear this alone” She also wondered where Angela was and what she would be doing?  She thought of how she had hurried off when she had commanded her to. Surely something didn’t fit in, could Uche be telling the truth after all, she thought confused

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