WHEN THE HEART KNOWS

WHEN THE HEART KNOWS

CHAPTER FIVE
 

Nma laid on her bed afterwards trying to analyze the situation she found herself in. she tried to question her love for Uche and tried to rationalize the reason why she shouldn’t go ahead and enjoy his attention no matter how short it might be. The truth was she loved him and would do anything to be with him forever but the fact was she could not do just about anything. She made a promise and she was going to keep it no matter how difficult it got. She could loose Uche, she was sure that he would leave her once he realized that she was still a virgin and was not ready to loose her virginity outside the sacred bounds of marriage. She sighed because she could very well see his face when she eventually told him. She could see the disgust and rejection on them.

She got up from her bed and walked over to the window in her blood red short satin night gown, she knew sleep was a lost course to pursue. She thought of going into her studio to work on her latest design but the thought of slaving over a sketch book or a sewing machine sounded appalling to her. She wanted to get this over with and move on with her life.  She should tell the man the truth and stop wasting his time and her time. She wished desperately that her dad was here with her, and then she would have had someone to help her get through this period. Felix could try but it was her father who really understood. It was him who had taught her all she knew about the world, about life and the little she knew about men. But she stopped wishing because her dad was not coming back to help her deal with her problems this time. This was one problem she was going to have to deal with on her own. She walked over to her table and picked her father’s frame and looked at him. “I know you wouldn’t want me to compromise my principle and sleep with him but at the same time; you would want me to fight for the love of the man I love” It was confusing and she wondered if all girls faced this dilemma or was she different? Of course majority of girls didn’t allow themselves to suffer like she was doing. They were more than willing to sleep with any man who could give them what they wanted at the time, love, money or protection. She put back her father’s frame and stared at it with her hands folded.

She could see herself five years ago, looking at her boutique and wondering how to start. She was already feeling guilty because Felix insisted on quitting his job so he could help her out at least at the initial stage. She had been scared as she viewed the fazed out sewing machine, then they were two sewing machines in the whole shop. Thank God her father owned a house so she didn’t need to worry about space. Felix assured her that her house would do just fine till she started making money. And she believed him. Oh! She had never doubted that she would make it big and make big money from her chosen career that had never been the problem. The problem then was starting, meeting the right people and showing them what she could do. She wanted a fashion label not some tailor shop.

And it didn’t take her long to realize that none of her father’s friends were ready to help her, not with the way they were demanding she sleep with them first. The thought was appalling, men she had looked up to as guardians now had carnal thoughts about her and to her it was incestuous. Of course that wasn’t how they saw it. One of them had actually promised to help her and she had waited for a like a month for him to fulfill that promise. Of course she had wasted money on transportation chasing him about to get him to fulfill that promise but all her efforts had been met with disappointment. Meanwhile Felix had already predicted those men to her but she couldn’t just believe that they would all be that bad. Just when it was looking as if she was going to believe Felix, the man had called her and apologized for stringing her along and gave her the flimsiest excuse she had ever heard. He had asked her to meet him at his office and she had agreed, deciding to give him a benefit of doubt. On getting to his office he was already rushing out to somewhere, but he asked her to come with him and she stupidly fell for the ruse.

When she came down from the car and found herself facing what looked like a residential home, she had panicked but he covered up by telling her that he was having a very confidential meeting with his friends in the building. She had questioned why she should be present in a highly confidential meeting. He told another lie which she would have seen was she older and more experienced. But of course she was young, naïve and inexperienced, and she had believed him when he told her that he was thirty minutes early and wanted to finish with her before his friends arrived. If she had known she would have questioned why he didn’t finish with her in his office when he knew he had thirty minutes. Why did he act like he was already late for a very important meeting when he had more than thirty minutes to spare, but she didn’t because aside from being young and stupid, she was also desperate for his help? So she had followed him inside with the thought that he would just write a check or give her the money once they were inside the house. But being inside the house was another experience for her. He had led through the small bar to a door which she found out too late led to a bedroom and she turned in shock to question him, he smiled and asked her to calm down. He sat down and asked to sit. She sat down quietly. Even then she was sure that the only way she would have slept with him would be under duress and she would have made sure he suffered for it afterwards. she lunched straight into the money issue, wishing to get it over with but he calmly told her that she should slow down and have a drink, luckily she didn’t drink alcohol, because he would have used that to turn her head and neither did she accept any other kind of beverage,  she didn’t take anything fattening. After he found out that he was going to depend on his charm to persuade her, the seduction began or what she would call now intimidation. First of all he reminded her of how big he could see her dreams becoming. Oh! But that had been the only truth he had told that day because he actually prophesied when he said that the rich and mighty would fall over themselves to be associated with her. Then he had quietly asked her how much she needed and she had told him again probably for the one millionth time. He brought his check and apologized again for all the disappointment she had faced from his friends and even the ones he had caused her. She had breathed a sigh of relief, and thanked God for making it possible at last after months of wondering. She had even started thanking him for the help even though she was yet to have the check. She watched him keep the check aside after writing it. Then he turned to her and smiled. “Do you know that you are such a fine girl” he had said to her, she had blinked back her surprise and waited because she was beginning to get that déjà vu feeling. She had been in this same situation before with other men who swore to help her when her father died. Stupidly she had believed them. Courageously she looked up and asked him straight way. “I am sure you never meant to give me that check?” he smiled and looked her, “Nma you are such a pretty girl and it would be difficult not to be tempted”

“Was that why you brought me here in pretense of having an urgent meeting? You weren’t running late for any meeting were you? All that was in a bid to bring me here”

He hadn’t denied her accusation so she had gone ahead and said the next thing in her mind. First of all she had stood up and hung her shoulder bag then she faced squarely. “Prove it Uncle Mike, prove to me that you didn’t plan my being here, give me the check if my accusations are not your intention?” he looked at her and shook his head.

“You are just twenty one my dear girl and no man in his right mind would give you that kind money to become an ordinary tailor. His degradation of her career nearly brought her to tears but she stood her ground

“Mark this day Uncle Mike” she had said “Just give me five years and you would be ashamed to look me in the face” then she left him.

She only allowed herself to cry when she got home. and then she vowed to God that if he helped make her dreams of Nma collections come true, she was going to show gratitude to him by remaining chaste till she got married. And he had done it for her. And there was no way she going to break that vow not when God had fulfilled his own part of the covenant, because shortly after that she started Nma collections.  Felix was kind and didn’t try to censure her. He said she should start small by making dresses for women she already knew and she had shouted at him and asked if he quit his job to make a dress once in a month for elderly women. She had reminded him that he quit his job because he believed in her dreams. Her dream was having a label not a tailoring shop and after her outburst, she had declared that she was going to use the house to borrow money from a bank. Felix was so opposed to the idea but she had fought him every step of the way until Felix told her he had a friend who could help her, she reminded him of her experiences with so called friends.  He had told her not to worry that his friend was different. She didn’t believe him and was making arrangement with the banks when Felix came with the needed money. Shortly after, the two of them had started Nma Collection and it had taken five years and they have grown so big, though she was yet to see Uncle Mike, she was sure that he would be ashamed to look her in the eyes.

Then one puzzling thought came to her mind. She had never met the man whom Felix called his friend, the same man who gave him the money, of course they had paid the man back but Felix had been the only one who dealt with the man. But who was he? Why was Felix hiding him? That was the least of her problems now. Her problem was Uche and how she was going to make him understand why she would never sleep with him except if they were married. She laughed and her laugh turned into great sobs because she had just remembered what he told her as they left his house. He said tonight was the only night he was going to let her leave him without consummating their affair. They could never be, she thought but she was finding that hard to accept.

The Uche she had come to know would never accept that they have a platonic relationship, what was the point; he might even think that it was her way of trying to trap him into the marriage. The best thing to do was to end things without explanation. She should just stop seeing him, she should stop her feeling for him but that was impossible, though she had not been in love before but she knew in her heart without a shred of doubt that she would never love another man the way she loved Uche. Well some things were not meant to be no matter how right they seemed.  She stood around, meaning to go to bed and rest from her many troubles. Then she saw the big poster of Amber hanging on her wall and she walked up to the poster and touched it. She remembered what Uche had said earlier, he wanted to know if she and Amber were related. She sighed, because she was remembering a time when she used to pretend that the woman was her mother. She had even thought of looking the woman up and confronting her because the resemblance between them couldn’t just be a coincidence. Felix had discouraged her and told her it would be wrong to disrupt another person’s world. It was Felix, who said if Amber was her mother, then Amber should be the one to seek her out; after all she was the one who left. And she agreed with him immediately, if Amber was indeed her mother or any relation of hers for that matter, she must have heard about Nma and she should do the digging and seek for her forgiveness. It should not be the other way round. Then again she wondered what Amber would do if she found herself in the same situation she was in right now. She doubted that someone as worldly as Amber would think twice before grabbing Uche if she wanted him. Amber was the type of woman who went after what she wanted; she didn’t strike her like the type who wanted things served to her on platter of gold. But that was her motto too. She always went after whatever she wanted, never expecting them to fall on her laps. Hadn’t her experience in the early stages of her career taught her the dangers of thinking like that? But Uche’s case was different; there was no way she was going to let God down at this point. He had been there for her. He had helped her build Nma up to this extent and He was still helping her grow. How could she turn around and stab him in the back by breaking her own part of the covenant. She sighed and walked over to her bed and lay down. She was never going to resolve this tonight; she might as well get some sleep. If only Uche would accept her the way she was, if only he loved her enough to marry her. but all the if only(s) in the world are not going to take away the fact that Uche is not that kind of a man and neither did he love her at all much less marrying her. That was the last thought in her mind as she fell into a deep sleep.

Uche looked up from his laptop; he has been in his study, working since morning. It was Saturday and he hated going into the office on weekends. It was always lonely and boring. Not that he liked crowd but what was the point of being alone in a sterile office when he could do so in the comfort of his home. He glanced at his watch and sighed. He knew he had told her he was coming to see her today but he couldn’t tell what was holding him back. Was he afraid of consummating the affair, of course he was not? It was just that the thought sounded as if he was signing away his freedom.  Nma was trouble right from the start and he knew it but the problem was that his gluttonous body wouldn’t take heed.  He stretched and stood up, then again he remembered she was not exactly free to sleep with him, she was holding another man’s ring. A ring she was not wearing yet. Then again a ring she was yet to give back to the owner and she was not making plans of doing so. Rather it seemed that she had already agreed to marry Ken. He shuddered at the thought, Ken was not the man for her, and he could see that, Nma is all passion and Ken wouldn’t begin to understand such depths. Well he was not going to let her stray from his hands to Ken’s. He left the study, he wanted a deep in the pool before he set out to branding the woman his finally. The woman was his and he was not going to let another man take her away from him. Just as he came out, he saw the house keeper daughter in her usual skimpy attire bringing him a glass of juice, he didn’t ask for this, he tried to remember if had and probably forgotten.

“Good morning” she smiled shyly at her

“Did your mother ask you to bring this?” he asked

“No, she didn’t” the girl said “It is just that you have been holed up there since morning and I guessed you might be thirsty?

Uche didn’t know how to handle a teenage crush not when the girl looked so sincere and desperate. He shook his head in confusion.

“Thank you but I like to order for what I need. Next time don’t assume” he took the juice because she looked like she was going to start crying if he didn’t. He moved away, thinking probably he would have to call Eva and have her deal with the girl but decided against it, he was going to suggest to the mother that the girl be sent to a boarding school or something. Maybe by the time she came back, she would have gotten over her crush on him.

She was busy admiring the way his muscles rippled under his T-shirts and she sighed, wishing he would notice her and look at her the way he had looked at the irritating woman last night. She had watched them all through last night, she had seen him kiss her and the stupid woman enjoyed the whole show and when he had suggested they find a bed, she gave excuses. The woman was playing with him and she was not going to allow it. Uche Okoha belonged to her and only her and no one was going to take him away from her.  She discovered that he was going to swim. She loved to watch him when he swam because that was almost the only chance she got to see him naked. A chance the silly woman got last night and threw it away. She knew the game the woman was playing; she wanted him to pine for her so much that he would be desperate to give her what she wanted. She smiled but the woman had a surprise in store, Uche was not going to be living a celibate life for long because she planned to get into his bed soon. Yes she knew it looked like an impossible thing but she had known and pined for him for a long time, when you loved a man for years without him loving you back, you became creative with ideas on how to make him love you back.

She watched as Uche swam, she knew he was going to do twenty laps. He did thirty laps every day in the morning after sweating in his gym, but whenever he got the urge to swim during the day, he did twenty laps. How she had wished she could get into the pool with him. She closed her eyes daydreamed. In her dreams she walked into the pool and he smiled his welcome and swam close to her. He drew her into his muscular arms and whispered to her ears the words she had waited so long to hear “I love you” and she replied “you don’t know how much I have waited to hear you say those words” then he kissed her like he had kissed the woman last night but he did not stop because she would not push him away like the silly woman had done. She would let him make love to her because if you truly loved someone, you would give him everything you have. While she was day dreaming, she nearly fell off from her hiding place and she made a sound which made Uche stop swimming for a while, looking for the source of the noise. She adjusted her position so she would not be detected. As soon as he resumed swimming, she breathed a sigh of relief. Then she began to call herself a thousand different kinds of fool for being careless. She didn’t want Uche to know that she was watching him, she wanted to take him by surprise and then it would be difficult for him to say no to her. With that she quietly left.

Nma looked up her sewing machine as she heard a knock on her door. She knew it might Uche and she wasn’t ready to face him just yet. She chose to ignore him, thinking that he would leave if he thought she was not at home. But the person persisted, banging angrily on her door. So angrily she marched to open the door. Half way to her door, she looked at her attire, a cut off blue jeans shorts and a green body blouse. There was nothing she could do to her appearance. Her face was bare of make up, so she dashed to her room and powered her shiny nose. She didn’t want to meet Uche looking drab. She came out and opened the door and caught herself before she could sigh with disappointment. It was not Uche at the door but Ken, he was looking a bit dressed up for a Saturday morning in brown caftan she thought as she recognized her design.

“Hello” Ken greeted cheerfully

“Hello” Nma smiled reluctantly and moved out of the way to give him room to enter inside. She couldn’t disguise her disappointment.

“Where have you been?” Ken asked as he sat down. Nma kept silent for a moment angrily, she didn’t want to become more upset than she already was. What gave him the right to ask her such question? She was not going to tolerate anybody monitoring her.

“Did you try to reach me?” she asked calmly trying hard to calm down. She struggled to understand what her anger was all about. It was hard to believe that Ken’s question though irritating could upset her so much. She was disappointed she thought. She wanted to see Uche and not Ken.

“I came to this place yester night, and I’ve been ringing you since then until your phone started ringing engaged, where were you?” Ken asked

Was he deliberately trying to see how long she would hold on to her temper?

“Sorry I went out last night”

“To where?” he asked almost suspiciously

Nma folded her hands, anyone who knew her well would know that was a sign of rising temper but Ken didn’t know and didn’t care to find out. He thought he could do whatever he liked just because she had gone out with him a couple times. He even thought it didn’t matter whether she was in love with him or not, he just wanted to control her and her career. Not even Uche Okoha with all his charms and billions had tried. But she was not going to get angry with him. He wasn’t worth it, she thought.

“A friend invited me to a pre dinner drink and from there I made other plans”

“Does this friend happen to be a man?”

“Ken, are you trying to upset me because if you are, I want to tell you are succeeding. What does it matter if he was a man, is there a law against it”

“No, but you spent all night there”

She gave up the man was a fool and there was no sense in getting angry with him either, she thought and calmed down

“I’m not a kid Ken and please don’t make me look like one” she said quietly.

“Who is he, have I met him before?”

“No you haven’t met him before”

“Doesn’t he have a name?”

“Ken, will you stop asking me those silly questions, you even disturbed me, I was working on a new design” she was forced to shout on him.

“Okay, okay, so how about the ring, I thought I would hear from you by now?”

She sought for the best way to break it to him without breaking his heart if that was possible. She heaved a sigh. It was inevitable. She was willing to break it off with Uche the man she loved with all heart, then why should she hesitate with Ken.

“Ken, I can’t wear that ring, please try and understand, what you are asking is for a lifetime and more and one needs to be careful”

“Maybe you should stop accepting dates and really take time to think about this” Ken suggested.

“Sorry Ken, but even if I hole up in here for the next century my answer would still be the same” she told him honestly.

“Don’t you feel something for me at all; we’ve been together for a while. What have you been feeling all these while?”

Exact question she has been asking herself, why didn’t she break it off earlier than this? Because he had always had that fragile look about him and she had been afraid of hurting him. She pitied him because he sounded desperate but there was nothing she could do about it. There was no way she was going to let him off easily without giving him the answer he wanted, already she had left it too late which she didn’t mean to.

“I feel something for you Ken, brotherly love”

She saw him gasp and she wished she had kept her mouth shut because he had that surprise hurt look on his face.

“Even when I kiss you, does it feel like a brother was kissing you, come on Nma don’t kid me”

Nma laughed, “Now that’s funny”

She wanted to tell him that she had not felt anything at all when he kissed her, not like the way she felt when she was kissed by Uche it was like she was on fire.

And before she knew it, he grabbed her and was kissing her. Nma didn’t struggle, she wasn’t afraid that the kiss would come to anything. Like always the kiss was without passion but she allowed the kiss because she was trying to experiment, she wanted to compare his kissing with Uche’s, to see if he will arouse the same feeling in her, but to her utter dismay there was none of the thrill that Uche aroused in her, she pushed him away when she got tired. Just as she did that, a knock sounded. Nma was startled, her mind had already told her who it was and she was suddenly afraid, not for the person at the door but for Ken.  She was very scared of having the two of them in her house at the same time. She knew what Uche thought of Ken and she knew it would take the angels to persuade him to be polite to Ken. She hoped Ken would take the cue and leave but he eyed her and door suspiciously.

“Are you not going to get the door?” he asked

“Yes of course” Getting a hold on her emotions and went to open the door, with great courage she threw the door open and faced Uche.

She startled him with her lack of makeup, she was even more beautiful than he had thought and a lot younger than he thought too, but she was beautiful.

“Hello” Nma greeted nervously.

“You are beautiful” he greeted and drew her to him. Nma was going to say the same thing to him, he looked different today.

In white flowing trouser and marching shirt, the shirt was supposed hide his form but all it did was emphasize how broad his shoulders were and how muscular and wide his chest were. The shirt was open at the neck thus giving away a glimpse of that tantalizing body and a promise of something deeper and darker

Meanwhile he was busy admiring her bare legs. Her figure shouldn’t continue to take his breath away not after he had spanned it with one of his palm several times. Yet each time he saw her, he wanted to try out the same thing over again. He decided to do just that. He drew her closer to him dying to kiss her.

“I have a visitor” she protested, placing a hand on his chest

Ordinarily he would over look that but he wondered who it was she was afraid would see them kissing, curiosity won. “Who?” he asked peering over his her shoulder

“Ken” she whispered

Then he kissed her. Nma was torn between the devil and the deep blue sea, dared she struggle and get ken thinking something else and come to her rescue or she could stay put and use this opportunity to put Ken out of his misery by letting him think there was someone else. Then she remembered she had once told Uche that she was going to marry Ken on an impulse to get even with him. she also recalled she had decided last night to use Ken as an excuse to get rid of Uche, she had concluded that if Uche thought she wanted another man, she knew he had pride, he would leave her thus stopping her from breaking her covenant with God. And how was he going to believe her if she let him kiss her before Ken. With all her willpower she pushed him away from his embrace.

“My fiance is here” she muttered icily

Uche could feel his temper rising. He knew the moment he laid his lips on hers that her attention was divided and that had angered him. He didn’t want her to think about any other thing when he touched her. He wanted her thoughts to be filled with him and what he was doing to her and it had always been like that except today Ken was around. Very angry he decided he had to meet Ken and set some record straight.

“Let’s go and meet him then” he said through tight lips