AMBER ROMANCE

AMBER ROMANCE

WHEN THE HEART KNOWS

CHAPTER TWELVE

She should have known that Eva was lying, why, her lies were blatantly glaring. But she had been too blind to see it because she was so concerned with being in Uche’s house and being envied by all the other girls.

“Why don’t you come in?” Uche offered, his heart was beating erratically, he couldn’t believe she was at his door post, looking as beautiful as ever.  He watched her hesitate, still looking at Eva retreating vehicle like she wished to grow wings.

Nma looked at him and saw he was dressed in slim trouser and shirts. He looked like a young executive who was going to have drinks with his colleagues.

“I won’t keep you; I see you are on your way out”

“Not exactly, come on in. I don’t know what games my sister is playing but come in, I will get my jacket and take you home”

She heaved a sigh and followed him inside in. what was the big deal in being his house. After all she had been in his house before and all hell didn’t let loose. Her inner turmoil ceased for just a moment as her heart stopped beating with the share splendor and beauty of the living room. It looked like something that could be imagined in a fictitious work. She watched him pour himself a drink and swallowed it in one gulp. Then she really looked at him, he looked like he had lost some weight. And her heart went out to him, she wanted to reach out and touch him and soothe away his pains but she didn’t dare. She didn’t want him to mistake compassion for passion. But in a round about manner she was pleased to know that she wasn’t the only one suffering. He must have suffered too; she could see it in his gaunt face.

“How have you been” Uche heard himself ask. She was looking as good as always. There was no indication that she has suffered. Why?  He asked himself couldn’t he just forget her? What was it about her? And the worst part of the whole thing was that it was from no effort on her part.

“I am fine” she answered and took a seat.

“I am sorry for being here but Eva told me you were out of town and she was just hosting a few friends here. I thought I was coming for an all girls’ party” she tried smiling and he smiled back

“That sounds like my meddling sister” he replied and took a step towards her.

She panicked and looked for something to fill the silence.  “But I should have seen through her lies, why would she host her friends in your house?”

He turned to look at her intensely “So why didn’t you see through it?”

She stared back at him. There was no way she was going to tell him truth. She was not going to shred her last dignity and pride and tell him that she was here because she wanted to feel close to him.

“Why didn’t you see through her lies?” Uche repeated again

“You may not know it but I think your sister missed her talent, she is a very good actress” she answered flippantly. Hoping he would believe her.

“I don’t believe you” Uche told her

Okay now what, she asked herself, because there was no way he was going to know the truth not from her anyway and not while he was a few paces from her. So she said what she thought was the best to remedy the situation. “Do you have another explanation for it, surely you must know that seeing you is the last thing I would want after what happened the last time”

“Then why are you clenching and unclenching your fingers”

She swallowed her next flow of words and looked at her tightly clench fingers. She hadn’t realized that she was doing that, she was only vaguely aware that she was fisting her fingers because they were only itching to do one thing, slide round his neck in a passionate kiss.

“Though you appear cool and unaffected Nma but I know that you followed my sister here because you thought it would bring you close to me even in my absence”

“You don’t know what you are talking about!”  She shouted at him, shaking with fear that he might actually know the truth. But that was absurd; there was no way he could have guessed the truth. She knew that because she knew he was not a mind reader.

“Don’t I?” he asked and walked over to stand close to her. She swallowed hard; the scent of his cologne filled her nostrils. The share potent male his proximity exuded quickened her breath and she found it difficult to draw her breath. She sat back wanting to put some distance between them.

“You must be insane to think that I would want anything to do with you again after the way you treated me” she told him

“If I am insane then so are you because if what you say is true, you wouldn’t want anything to do with me, least of all coming to my house to party” he smiled at her.

She stood up and brushed past him. Even the slightest of all touches between them quickened her breath and dried up throat, making her feel a raw hunger like nothing she has ever felt before. She was very afraid that if he touched her now, she wouldn’t have the strength to say no. so she stiffened, determined to rebuff him even if she was going to be cruel.

“Taunt me all you want, do you hear me but I have not been holing up in my room mourning you Uche, I have moved on with my life. Why I came here tonight might sound crazy but Eva is my friend that is the only reason I am here”

He walked up to her and held her “but I haven’t moved on with my life, I have not holed up in my room mourning you but I have been suffering from something close to heart break. I am not ashamed to admit that I dressed up to come to your house because I couldn’t take the pain of missing you any longer”

Nma stared at him shocked wanting to believe it but still too afraid to. Could he be saying what she heard or was her mind playing tricks on her. What about sleeping with her? Would he wait or was he now prepared to have a serious platonic relationship with her? What was going on? She needed some answers before her head exploded.

“So what do you say, do we kiss and make up?” Uche watched as series of emotion pass through her face. She looked at him intensely for a while as if trying to be sure that he was not stringing her along. Uche couldn’t wait for her to answer her own questions any longer. He would answer it for her. And there was only one way to do it, he drew her into his arms and placed a kissed her mouth tentatively but he didn’t put into account how much he had missed kissing her. So his intention of giving a tender kiss was lost as he feasted on her lips. He couldn’t believe what he nearly lost. He couldn’t believe that he would never have kissed her again, held her again. He drew her closer and deepened the kiss, pouring all his warring emotions into that kiss.

And she responded as feverishly as he was kissing her. Nma couldn’t think beyond the fact Uche was kissing her, though there was some niggling voice at the back of her mind but she was not listening. How could she listen when all she could feel was Uche, the love her life, the man she had nearly lost. The only man she would ever love. Uche ended the kiss for want of air but held her close

“I missed you” he said softly. “Tell me, did you miss me too”

There was no way she could have denied it then. She wasn’t herself. She was lost in him, in the warmth of his hand as they surrounded her.

“Did you miss me darling, did you feel that you would die of the pain in your heart?”

“I did” she answered, she didn’t see any point in lying she loved the man and she had already told him her stand. If he was confessing his feeling for her now, then he must have accepted her the way she was. Her heart gave an excited lurch at that. It was true; she was nothing without him, even her passion for creating styles and designs held no appeal to her without him in her life.

He drew her down to sit beside her.

“It is not going to be easy” he said to her

She smiled tentatively at him ‘I know, I don’t expect it to be”

“I am a man used to a certain kind of life honey; it will take time to adjust”

“I can imagine but I want you to know, I am not gunning for the title Mrs. Okoha. That was not my intention”

“You are saying if I ask you to marry me you’d turn me down?”

She heaved a sigh, he had her there, of course she would jump at it but that would be only if he loved her like she did him

“Only if you love me the way I do you, I will marry you but I am not scheming to get the coveted title” Nma was shaking she had just told him she loved him, it was too soon, she scolded herself. He would think she said it to trap him or something. What was wrong with her? It sounded like what a schemer would say.

And he was quiet.

She had just revealed her heart to him and he was quiet, very quiet. What was she thinking; her only excuse was that he acted like a man in love. She didn’t have any experience with these emotions but if his action was not love, what else could make a man like Uche Okoha miss her. She looked at him quietly. She wanted to ask him if he heard her but then she reasoned that if he hadn’t heard her, she could pretend she never said it. He stood up abruptly and walked away, going to stand by the French window. She could only look at his back with dismay.

Uche had never been this confused before in his life, she loved him, did she know what she was talking about. Love was not something one could just say, was she for real, and was that her way of telling him all she wanted from him was marriage. What if she loved him, the question was, did he love her? That was a question he couldn’t answer, he liked her well enough. He missed her terribly, he couldn’t think of life without her. Was that love? Did love make one his lover’s prisoner, he thought it was lust that did that. Didn’t love offer freedom?

“Are you alright?”

He heard her ask but he was unwilling to look at her and let her see his confused state of mind.

She stood up and put her hands around him and he held her.

“I didn’t mean to frighten you, I know a lot of women have said those words to you and I know you might have become probably weary of that word, but there is a difference. The difference is that those other women might not have meant it but I do with all my heart. The second thing is that I don’t expect you to return it; I am not going to use it to hold you captive and make you feel obligated to me. For now knowing that you care for me is enough”

He turned and held her tightly. Just hugging her made him feel secure and safe but he had to sought out his feelings before he could commit himself totally to her, because once he said those words, there would be no going back for him.

“It is not as if I don’t love you but I need to sought out my feelings, right now they are too tangled up to make any sense to me”

She smiled at him and sat down.

“Take your time” Nma was glad again, he wasn’t looking like he was about to bolt out from the door.

“So why we don’t go out and celebrate” he asked her.

She nodded and stood up

“Did I tell you how breathtaking you looked?”

“Your mind was pre occupied I guessed”

“You look fabulous, so where do you want to go?”

“Could we just sit by your beach?”

“It is okay but I am just trying out celibacy, knowing my bedroom is five minutes away is not going to help matters”

“Uche are we going to be uncomfortable with each other. Sex or the lack of it shouldn’t deny us quality time with each other besides I trust you”

He looked at her hard for a moment and smiled with approval. “It’s my house keeper’s day off, we should ransack the fridge for snacks and drinks” he led her out of the living room.

Nma sat opposite Uche on the beach; he poured them some non alcoholic wine and smiled at her. Then he chuckled

“What is it?”

“I am laughing at life” he told her

“Yes life can be very funny, here we are all over again, and it is like running in circles and coming back to where we started”

“Except that now we know better, we know each other better” he smiled and toasted her.

“To our new beginning”

“Tell me because I am dying of curiosity, how come you are still a virgin”

Nma put down her drink and stared at him. She wanted to make sure she understood his question. They might be in a good palce now but their relationship was still on a shaky ground. All she wanted from now on was to strengthen it.

“You know for a girl as beautiful as you are, it is a little too difficult to believe”

“I know what you mean but I am still a virgin because it was a promise to God, I made a vow to him that if he helped me start up my fashion house, I would remain a virgin till I got married”

He looked at her still puzzled “what pushed to make that kind of vow, I mean there are other things you could promise him, like tithe, some kind of offering or thanks giving”

“Yes I know but at the time the situation I found myself in made me promise that very thing”

“Tell me” he demanded

Nma heaved a sigh and wondered where to start, she could see herself five, six years ago. Going from one of her father’s friends to another asking and pleading for help and the condition they gave her before she could get their help. Nma wondered if Uche could understand how she felt at that time. As she related her experience to him, she watched the play of emotions on his face.

As he listened, he was growing angrier by the minute, she was barely twenty one at the time. And he wished he knew those men, he wished he could take wide swing at them.

Nma looked up at him. “Before my father died, he taught me to believe that a woman’s virtue was her greatest possession and the greatest gift she could give her husband. So you could understand how I felt then, so I decided that I wasn’t going to give in to them and if God would help me, then I would not give in to those men or any other man outside marriage”

Uche heaved sigh

“I have never regretted my decision before except the last time we were together, that day I came very close to doing so. Of course I knew you might react the way you did but then what choice did I have. It had to happen, you would have come to know one day, so the sooner you realized that I might not be able give you all needed the better for us. Uche to be honest with you, that vow was the best thing that has ever happened to my life. It earned me respect, happiness, peace and joy. Otherwise my life would have turned out differently I would have lost it by now in chase of vanity”

Uche couldn’t believe what was just revealed to him or to put it correctly, what he had just been given. He saw her worried face, the conflicting emotions running through it. He knew just right then that it was not an easy decision for her make and he respected her and the integrity she displayed by standing up to her beliefs.

“I am sorry I acted the way I did honey but if I knew the story behind it maybe I would have reacted differently. But In my experience, no girl has ever said no to me, they only had to hear the name Okoha and they would be falling all over themselves to get my attention. You could never begin to imagine what some girls had gone through to make themselves my wife. So as I sat there and listened to you, I could only think of my other experiences” he told her and kissed her fingers. “But you are different even then when I was angry I knew you were and as soon as I got to my car, I knew I had made a mistake but pride kept me from coming back”

“I was just a breath a way from calling you back and damning the whole vow but I guess my fear for God held me back”

“It is ironic because all these while I had a real live angel in my hands and I didn’t know” Uche spoke softly. “I could have lost you”

“I am not an angel, I am just a girl trying to live a decent life” she smiled at him.

“You may not know it but there are not many girls like you out there and I consider myself lucky to have you” he said honestly.

“A part of me believed you would say something like this to me some day”

“And that part wasn’t wrong but I was shocked at first but coming to think of it, you are one priceless jewel, not even all my money could buy you”

“I guess you are right” she smiled at him then she placed her hand on his “It is not going to be that bad. I am going to show you that relationships could be enjoyed without sex. The best ones are the ones you are not blinded by lust. This way we could get to know and enjoy more important things about each other”

“Hmm! Are you a philosopher too” Uche asked jovially

“Among other things” she agreed.

“Still I wonder if life of celibacy would suit you and how long you would last.” Nma wondered aloud.

“Who talked about celibacy?”

Nma stopped smiling, shocked at his words.

“Are you saying that you would have other women, who will be seeing to your sexual needs while you wait till I am ready?” she sat up, facing him. “Uche look, I know I have no right to ask you to live a life of celibacy but at the same time I won’t have you cheating on me. So the choice is yours” she said trying to choke back tears, she was highly disappointed that he thought that he could have other women while keeping her as an idol.

“Temper! Temper!” Uche chanted. “I wasn’t suggesting that I will be sleeping with other women, I was only saying that I won’t have to live the life of celibacy for a long time because we will be…” he trailed off. What was he thinking; he was just one breath away from asking her to marry him.

“I don’t understand” Nma said, her heart was jumping, she thought, she felt Uche was about to ask her to marry him, he was going to say it; she was so sure of that, why did he stop. She didn’t want to push so she kept quiet.

He leaned over and kissed her and all thought about what he was going to say fled from her mind.

“It is getting late” he said, “and I still have to drive you home”

Nma could feel her depression starting, she was sure he was going to ask her to marry him. He was saying he would not have to live life celibacy long because they were… gush! She wore silently. Why did he stop, was he that scared of marriage or was she the one he wasn’t sure of. She promised she wasn’t going to push but it was frustrating when he left important things half said. He could be scared, she thought. What could have happened to make him this scared of women? She remembered what Charles told her about the woman he was going to marry.  Somehow she hated that woman because he couldn’t get past her betrayal to give her a chance.

Uche opened the car for her but before she could enter, he gave her a hug

“I am glad we made up” he smiled at her

“Even though it is a bit awkward”

“Don’t worry, we will get used to it” he told her and kissed her. Nma kissed him back. She saw a shadow move and looked up abruptly.

“What is it?”

“I thought I saw someone”

“Must be the guard”

“Would he be hiding in shadows?”

“Honey nothing can get past this gate without permission, not without triggering off the alarm anyway”

“Ok” she agreed reluctantly” and smiled at him.

As they drove away, he drew her in his hands and drove with the other. She relaxed in his hands and closed her eyes. This time when the cool love music wafted into the air she didn’t become scared or sarcastic but they looked at each other and smiled into each others eyes.

She broke down to tears, the one who has been watching, the one who was mightily in love with him, the one it was obvious he would never love. “I am going to get her” she vowed. “I am going to make sure I get her out of the picture and I don’t care how I do it as long as he doesn’t see her again”